Some Trouble with Online Dating
After my ex decided that she no longer wanted to get married and decided to move out, I knew I would have to get back into the dating game. Since I don't drink, the bar scene is out. I had some luck with online dating after my second-to-last ex decided to break up. I found two great friends, and my ex from online dating. So, naturally, I decided to get back into the online dating world.
Online dating is definitely not a new phenomenon. There have been many 'online' dating mechanisms, like video taping introductions and watching them, call in lines to meet people, speed dating, and even IRC chat rooms where people are able to meet. Websites that cater to an online profile mechanism is the latest iteration in the matchmaking game. They have become a multi-million dollar per year business. There are some free sites and some pay sites. Most people have heard of Match.com and E-Harmony. Both of these are paid sites. Many may not have heard about two free sites, PlentyOfFish.com, and OKCupid.com. OKCupid is basically the free version of Match.com. I have profiles on all of these sites, excluding E-Harmony, and pay for Match.com. So, I do have some experience with these dating sites.
I have come to some conclusions over the past few weeks regarding online dating. There are many women who want a guy to be chivalrous and open doors, pull out chairs and the like. I have no problem with this, I actually enjoy opening doors and pulling out chairs, it shows that a guy has some respect for the person they're with. This is all well in good, but ladies, I hate to inform you, that chivalry is a two way street. We'll get back to this in a bit.
One of the conclusions that I have come to is that women tend to get messages from guys that discuss sexual desires, give phone numbers, expect women to hang out at their house on the first date, not liking what appears to be a 'copy and paste' type email, and even disliking the fact that guys send messages and ask questions that are answered in their profile. I have no problem with women deciding that this is not what they want.
However, I have an issue when a guy, namely myself, sends a message to somebody that does not discuss sexual desires, give my phone number, expect women to hang out at my house, nor do I send a 'copy and paste' email. I read entire profiles, and usually have two windows open, one with the profile and the other with the message open. Sure, I do have some standard questions that I like to ask, if they are not answered in their profile, but I do not do copy and paste emails.
In all of my emails/messages I usually end with something like "if you're interested feel free to send me back a message. If you're not interested, that's cool, just let me know that as well." Guess what, in the last three weeks, despite the 50+ messages I have sent, I have received messages from only two people total. One saying 'thanks but No Thanks', which I appreciated. The other person I chatted with for a while, but there just wasn't any spark. All of the other messages that I have sent have received no response.
As a message to the women who are on online dating sites, if you expect to find a guy who is chivalrous, does not expect you to come over to his place on the first date, and treat you with respect, it may be to your advantage to inform the guys who you are not interested in, that you are not interested, particularly if they do not send lewd and obscene messages and are genuinely interested in getting to know you as a person, and show some respect when sending messages. Honestly, do you expect to find a guy who will show you respect if you do not show them respect? To let you ladies in on a secret, most guys would rather know that you're not interested, than just assume that you're just being rude by not stating that you're not interested. It does not take much, it's a simple "Thanks, but I'm not interested". It can go a long way to making life a lot easier for everybody.